During divorce proceedings, we over complicate things

The purpose of this article is to share with you my experiences of what happens when your relationship breaks down, and you are confronted with the sensitive dilemma of property division..Being in a relationship can enhance your life and make you feel good about yourself. 

A healthy relationship is not something that you go out a buy over the counter or order to measure. It’s more like a plant that you nurture - you have to work at it to help it grow. Some days you will get it right, and others will form a new chapter.

But if you or your partner are considering divorce or separation, it’s because the things that are not working far outweigh the things that do work. Sometimes, during divorce proceedings, we over complicate things, and it causes unnecessary hurt.

Here are realities that you’ll need to consider:

Your life is going to change

Divorce or separation will have a variety of lasting consequences for all parties. It brings with it changes in financial affairs: assets are likely to be frozen; liabilities may have doubled (they may now include child support payments, two sets of household expenses, additional rent for one spouse at least, and spousal maintenance orders). Friends disappear and kids become angry and disillusioned.

You will want to hate your soon to be ex – but try not to

It is a common mistake that couples make when they consult their friends and relatives for advice.  But be aware of biased advice, because in the end you will need to settle your financial affairs with your soon to be ex. If one party is unreasonable and unapproachable, you will end up litigating your property dispute. Instead, work together with your spouse or partner on the best way to maximize the value of your property.

Agree on the value of your assets

It is simple in most cases to ascertain and agree on the property value, namely the family home or other investment properties. Your local real estate agents will be the first place to begin.

Agree on what is best for your children

Avoid the mistake of using your child to punish the parent or your in-laws. Your child has the right to know and is cared for by both their parents and have relationships with extended family.  Think of what is in your child’s best interest first.  You and your partner or spouse can agree on a parenting plan or consent orders without the need of going to court.

•  Avoid listening to the wrong advice -  If you are not feeling well, you go and see your family doctor. Your friends and relatives are great to have around you when to share tears and hurt, but be cautious as their views will be biased towards you and will not necessarily advance your course.   The law is complex and you will need an experienced family lawyer to advise you on your legal rights and obligations. So it is important that you hire the right lawyer. I recommend you read my book This is Your Divorce and Not Your Lawyer’s.
   
• Negotiate your differences or have the court decide  -  You can negotiate and settle your differences, or you can apply to the court to decide on how the assets will be divided.  In any disagreement, individuals understandably aim to achieve the best possible outcome for their position. However, the principles of fairness and maintaining a relationship are the keys to a successful outcome, especially where children are involved.

There are no mathematical formulas for working out the results, and it is impossible for anyone to predict with absolute accuracy what the outcome of such proceedings will be. When lawyers give advice about what a person's entitlements will be, they are basing their advice on their knowledge of decisions in previous cases and from their own experience in cases in which they have been involved.   However, even with such knowledge, all that can be given is an estimate, which gives a range of possible outcomes.

Divorce litigation in some cases is unavoidable. It may seem as though you are advancing your case at the start but in the end, it will always be an unnecessary approach.