Divorce is tough! Impulsive decisions can have unpleasant consequences

Divorce is tough because it pulls your security rug out from under you. Life as you know it will never be the same again. It's only natural to feel disoriented and insecure, and you may:

• lose perspective
• indecisive
• believe that you deserve less than you do
• worry about the judge believing the other side over you
• believe that the system is against you
• turn to your lawyer for comfort
• fear your ex-spouse
• be tempted to tell your children how bad their other parent is
• think that everything will be fine, as soon as you tell the judge about everything.

While these feelings are reasonable, you should guard against acting on it. Impulsive decisions can have unpleasant consequences. Instead, follow this advice to deal with your emotions in a constructive manner to avoid mistakes.

Mistake #1:  Unclear Objectives

Know upfront what you want out of the litigation process. To ensure that you don't feel at sea during the process. Knowing what you want to will ensure that your moves are carefully planned and that you will be able to make sober adjustments if need be.

Mistake #2:  Instability

Lack of preparation can lead to emotional instability as you let the other side's mind games get to you. It is important to take an emotional inventory before you even look for a lawyer and to wait out any strong emotions, such as anger, which makes it difficult to think clearly. Divorce litigation is not only a legal battle, but it is also an emotional attack, for which you have to be prepared.

Get support and remember that you are not alone.

Your opposition knows that instability is a tool in their hands, and they will use it to their advantage. Boxers don't cower in a corner before a fight. They eat well, train hard and assess the opposition's strengths and weaknesses and build a strategy around that.  They know that the opposition will use mind-manipulating techniques against you, and in divorce, that includes threats, intimidation, criminal charges, undermining you as a parent, and brainwashing the children.

Mistake #3:  Desperation

As the divorce progresses, you may become desperate. However, it is important to look at the progress you have already made and celebrate the small victories along the way.

Mistake #4:  Crying on the Wrong Shoulder

While therapy is often a good idea, it is important to speak to the right person about it. Your lawyer is not qualified to help you with anything other than legal issues related to your divorce or family law problems.

By keeping your relationship with your lawyer professional will ensure that he sees the case from your judicial officer's perspective, rather than yours. This will hamper your case.

If emotional healing is what you need, you should consider hiring a therapist.