divorce affects all parties concerned in different ways.
Spouses may blame each other or themselves for the divorce and this comes with a whole set of emotional upheaval. The problem is that this can flow over to your child and that can be extremely dangerous to his or her wellbeing.
If your child is going to live with you, you need to ensure that you don’t become co-dependant upon him or her. This is easy to do as you may not trust too many people after the divorce, especially if you were hurt by it. You might be lonely and try to substitute some aspects of your marriage with your child. This could be by way of over confiding in him or her as you may feel that don’t have too many people to speak to.
These are some of the aspects of your psyche that your child should not be exposed to this as he or she has enough on his or her plate without having to carry you during the divorce. You will need to be vigilant for your child's emotional needs as he or she will be going through enough turmoil because of the divorce.
Keep your friends close and your enemies closer - If your spouse has remarried and you co-parent, try to connect with the new significant other. Rather have an ally than another enemy in your life. This way you can ensure that your child is comfortable and happy when visiting your ex-spouse and the new partner. It also helps to maintain your standards with regards to your child while he or she is away from you.
Co-parenting takes your relationship to the next level - While you may be divorced from each other, you and your ex still need to effectively raise your child. Put personal feelings aside when you meet one another or discuss the ex with your child. Your child loves both of you equally and you need to allow that to happen. Maintain a united front when it comes to matters relating to your child. His or her interests need to come first and that includes matters relating to disciplining your child.
Date on the sly - If your child lives with you, don’t bring every Tom, Dick or Harry (Jane, Sue or Anne) home with you. By all means date, but try to do much of it away from the home, especially in the early days after the divorce. Your child is feeling insecure enough, and probably still wishes that you would reunite with your ex, so don’t add to it by giving the impression that you are serious about someone a week (or 6 months) after the divorce.
Yes, children are resilient and bounce back fast, however they blame themselves for everything, including your divorce. You will have to manage a balancing act between allowing your child some space to grow and being there when a shoulder is needed to cry on. The golden rule is that the child comes first and you may need to make some sacrifices to ensure that he or she heals properly after the divorce.
Disclaimer : This article provides basic information only and is not a substitute for a professional or legal advice. It is prudent to obtain legal advice from a family lawyer.