HOW TO DETERMINE THE THREAT TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP

A new relationship brings with it a whole new group of people, including friends, relatives and, from time to time, the ex. When the ex remains a part of the circle of friend, things can get uncomfortable and unless there is a frank discussion, jealousy can raise its ugly head. If you are a little wary of the presence of the ex it may be time to test the relationship with a few questions.

It is possible to maintain a platonic friendship with an ex – no strings attached. It is important, however, that you and your partner discuss the relationship so that you can understand it. The friendship may pose no threat. On the other hand, one may have lingering feelings for the other.

There are a few questions that could alert you to a problem. They may also help you to take comfort that the friendship between your partner and the ex is no threat to your relationship.

What is the length of time since they parted ways?

The longer it has been since the break up the more likely it is that the two are just friends with no lingering feelings. It is also essential to your relationship that the boundaries between them are known and respected. Everyone in the circle must know that there is no turning back the clock.

Was the split by mutual agreement?

Unless the split was by mutual agreement one or other of the partners may not have given up on the relationship. They may harbour hope that the partnership can be reconciled. If this is the case, you should rule out any friendship. It could be dangerous.

What do they do when they are together?

The way that your partner and his ex behave when they are together is a good indication of how they feel about one another. If they are always part of a group and treat each other just as the other friends do, stop worrying. If, however, their time together is more personal or starting to look like a date as the evening winds down, there is reason to be concerned. If at any time you fell excluded from their discussions, you have a problem.

What interests do they share?

What are their common interests? Do they share enthusiasm for subjects for which you have no shared interest? Are you left out of discussions between the two of them because they share a passion? If you find yourself locked out of discussions, for this reason, you should quickly develop a similar interest yourself. Without it, you could find yourself on the outside looking in.

When and how often are they in contact with each other?

If the ex is just part of the group of friends, the way that they communicate not differ from the communication between any of the other friends in the group. if your partner is excluding you from the communication with the ex, it could be a sign that there is something going on.

It is possible to be just friends

Whilst caution and communication are essential when the ex remains a part of your circle. it is important to remember that people can remain friends after a split. If you have concerns about the friendship between your partner and the ex, you should discuss them. Who knows, you and the ex may even become friends?