The foundation of a relationship is trust

When we first meet someone attractive we are always out to impress. Why not? How else would you ensure that you take the relationship to the next level? This is why we very often hide aspects of ourselves, things that we may find embarrassing or that we feel are unflattering.

As the relationship develops, we should find it easier to start letting our partner in, to start sharing more of our personal and perhaps less flattering characteristics. Unless we learn to trust we will never create the foundation upon which the other good things like love, friendship and intimacy are built.

Learning to trust someone else can be difficult because It makes us vulnerable. It can be particularly difficult for those who have previously been hurt either in a relationship or as a child.

Try to make sense of the lack of trust

Trust is something that you have to learn and it happens over time. There could be reasons for you failing to trust your partner. You should examine the possible causes so that you can try to resolve them. It may be a good idea to discuss your trust issues with your partner in an attempt to have them understand what you are going through.

When you trust your partner completely you should be able to confidently tell them anything without feeling that they are judging or dismissing you.

Take a reality check. Try to compare what is actually happening on an everyday basis with what you are feeling. Is the cause of the mistrust in your own head, or is it because of the facts of your relationship? It could be that you have a negative view of yourself and that you feel undeserving of the affection of your partner. If you feel that this may be the case, you should try to spend some time doing fun things together or talking through subjects that you find important. This may offer you the opportunity to get closer and form the bonds that you are doubting.

Seek help

Before the mistrust ruins the friendship, you may consider couples counselling. This can help you to develop the confidence in your relationship that will help you to trust your partner fully, and then you can start to really build a relationship.