do you feel like you and your partner are living under one roof, but are actually living separate lives?
maybe you feel like you are not sharing anymore and you don’t spend any time really connecting? you might even go out often with friends or go on date nights, but you still feel like you are drifting apart? you may have lost that personal connection that all successful relationships need to work.
The good news is that maintaining that personal connection might be easier than you think. Try this little exercise. It will help you to have special couple time, even if the rest of your day is hectic. It takes two minutes.
Many couples spend time together, but end up talking about the kids, work, the news, but they don’t talk about themselves or about them as a couple. To others it looks like all is well with their relationship. The problem is that if you don’t talk about anything personal, you may start drifting apart. You need to share your feelings, your dreams and your fears with each other. You need to truly connect with your partner on a personal level. You also need to talk through any previous arguments and resolve any negative emotions that you may still have. If you don’t, you might build up resentment or carry the anger with you.
Create your space
Sarah and Joe have to sit on a bed or a couch, facing the same way. So Sarah sits behind Joe, looking at Joe’s back. The one sitting in the front gets to talk for two minutes. The one in the back must sit with their arms around their partner’s waist and cannot respond. Sarah must just hold Joe and listen.
Joe can say anything he wants. Sarah can’t see his face and she can’t say anything. You can talk about unresolved arguments, or the fact that your partner hurt your feelings, or you can laugh about a funny situation. You can talk about absolutely anything or use that two minutes in any way that you want. You can also just be quiet and enjoy your partner’s arms around you in silence. Sarah can’t walk away and can’t talk back.
Just listen – no response
After two minutes, neither of you may talk about it. Next time, you switch positions. Now Sarah gets to talk for two minutes, with Joe holding her and not responding at all. He must just listen. You can decide how often in a week you do this, but you only have two minutes! Make sure that you get an equal number of turns to talk. Remember, it doesn’t matter what the other one says – no feedback!
Very important: This ends after two minutes. Making love is not part of this exercise. No matter how you both feel, it ends here. This is not foreplay. You can make love some other time.
So, did this work for Joe and Sarah?
The first thing they noticed was how good it felt to just sit with their arms around each other. How often do you still do that with your partner? Joe talked about things that annoyed him and expected her to immediately be defensive, but of course, Sarah couldn’t reply! The silence gave Joe time to reflect on why certain things annoyed him and he realized that it actually related to his childhood. He could then share that with Sarah. Joe enjoyed the feeling of being heard.
Sarah felt that she could speak her mind without him interrupting her, or without having to worry about his response. She was free to express herself. What she loved the most was that she had Joe’s undivided attention for two minutes. She didn’t have to compete with the television or his computer.
What this exercise did for Sarah and Joe was that they connected again. They both felt that they were being heard, they both enjoyed the undivided attention and re-established a personal connection in their relationship.
If you are worried about your relationship, or just want to re-establish the personal connection, why don’t you try this little trick? Two minutes is all you need to improve your relationship.
Disclaimer : This article provides basic information only and is not a substitute for a professional or legal advice. It is prudent to obtain legal advice from a family lawyer.