is divorce the right choice for you?
many unhappily married couples are not willing to be emotionally true to themselves and face the fact that divorce is the right choice for them. a good marriage can be one of the most rewarding relationships in your life. an unhappy one can be devastating to you and your children. each marriage is unique – there is no fixed ‘winning recipe”. only you know whether your marriage is a working, happy relationship. and only you know the answer to whether divorce is the right choice for you.
Each marriage is unique, but there seem to be some common signs indicating that you might be heading for trouble. Be honest – do you recognise any of these signs that your marriage might be heading for divorce?
We’ve all heard this before, but it remains true – poor communication is a major factor in marriage breakdown. Do you find that you and your partner are not communicating your true feelings to each other any more? Honest communication is essential for keeping that emotional connection with your partner. Sometimes we don’t realize that we are losing it, or we don’t know why, but losing that emotional bond is very dangerous to a good marriage. It could be the beginning of the end of your marriage.
If you or your partner has experiences a “life changing” event it might have an impact on your marriage. Some events can change your outlook on life and have a critical impact on how you approach life and how you deal with situations. I am thinking of job loss, death of a child, depression, major health set backs, infidelity, addiction and any experience that might affect you or your partner emotionally. If you and your partner don’t have a similar reaction and approach to these life changing events, it can have a very negative impact on your marriage.
Each partner will process and deal with these situations differently. You might start struggling to stay emotionally connected. One partner might react positively, whilst the other one responds in a negative way. You might find it difficult to share the same opinions, or the same values. This becomes a problem if you shared the same principles and values in the past.
Often the positive partner will be pro-active in finding ways to cope and move on with life. They will explore ways of emotional healing to assist them in moving on after the life changing event. This in itself can lead to personal growth and a different approach to life. They could now view life differently and alter some of their beliefs and perceptions. If the other partner does not share or understand this new-found approach, or remains negative, it could threaten the relationship. If that person chooses to not move on and remain “stuck” in that negative space, the differences could lead the marriage to divorce.
It is essential that you and our partner grow together. Both partners must be willing to grow together, to heal so that the marriage can grow. You don’t need to agree on everything, but at least you have to then agree to grow differently towards a common emotional goal. An inability or an unwillingness to accept the other partner’s growth can lead to a huge emotional divide, which could in turn lead to a complete estrangement. One day you might just realize that you and your partner have “fallen out of love” with each other. Emotionally you and your partner ended up on completely different levels – you have outgrown each other.
If you have reached a stage where you have to spend more energy on the relationship and being together than you are willing to, you might be heading for the divorce court. If your heart is no longer in the marriage and the passion is gone, divorce might be inevitable.
Whatever the reasons for the breakdown in your marriage, divorce remains an emotional event. You and your partner will need to heal emotionally and grieve the loss of your marriage. You need to face, and deal with, all the mixed emotions that come with a divorce. You need to heal to be able to move on with a happy successful life – this is important for you and for your children. Don’t get stuck in a negative space.
Often one partner is more in favour of getting a divorce than the other. One partner might not be ready to face the reality that the marriage has come to an end, but deep down they will know that you were growing apart. Often it is fear that prevents them from taking that first step towards divorce. Some couples just remain together and live in denial that the marriage is over until one partner finally asks for a divorce. Others just remain stuck in an unhappy marriage for the rest of their lives – denying their unhappiness.
In the end the “truth” of your marriage will always come out, regardless of what finally lead to the divorce. This truth might be hurtful or even devastating, but in the end it might also give you emotional freedom. Once you get over the initial shock of the divorce, and take the time to heal, you might realize that you’ve known that your marriage was in trouble all along. Maybe you were just to afraid to address the issues, thinking that it would cause further damage to the relationship. So often, it is the person in self-denial that causes the most damage to the relationship.
Only you know why you are reading this article at the moment. Maybe you are contemplating divorce? Are you unhappy?? Do you feel like you have done everything you possibly can to save your marriage? Be brutally honest about your situation and your feelings and remember that you deserve to be happy!
Disclaimer : This article provides basic information only and is not a substitute for a professional or legal advice. It is prudent to obtain legal advice from a family lawyer.