I cheated on my husband

I cheated on my husband. No, I'm not proud of it, but I justified it to myself, saying that I lacked that love in my marriage. I didn't feel needed or wanted.  But I didn't want that to be the end of my marriage. Unfortunately, it was.

Somehow, during the affair, I thought that I could keep my mind intact, and that I could keep my family together despite trampling on my marriage vows and lying to the person I once loved the most.

My husband was suspicious of me and his distrust continued to grow. While my lover and his wife managed an open marriage, both aware of one another's affairs, I could not understand my husband's jealousy. My lover and his wife had three kids, one of whom was very severely disabled and they wanted to keep the family unit intact.

They were able to hold the family together while both doing what they needed to keep happy while offering their children a secure and loving family home.

I have seen first hand that an open marriage could work. Yes, of course, it is not easy, and sometimes, calling it a day may just be what's needed. I decided to make a list of reasons to stay, and reasons to get divorced after adultery.

Why You Should Stay

• 1. Do it for the children

My lover and his wife stayed together for very specific reasons:  because they wanted to provide a secure home for their children; the disabled child in particular. However, staying together "for the kids" in general terms, may not be such a good reason. Being from a broken home is better than being in a broken home.

• 2.  The affair was a mistake

If the affair was a one-off mistake, caused by alcohol or something else, and the offended party can forgive, it is a good reason to stay together. You will need to work together and get rid of the toxins in the marriage.

• 3.  Do it for love

If you and your husband both love each other very much, it is a good reason to stay together and work on your issues. Perhaps the reasons for the infidelity could be easily fixed.

• 4.  You've been together for a long time

With a 20-year marriage behind you, you might want to consider giving it one last chance. It can be difficult to choose between a lifetime marriage and a once-off affair, but it's a decision you have to make. For me, it might just be worthy of forgiveness.

• 5.  You're prepared to have an open marriage

I would not suggest this for the fainthearted, but it could work for you. When my ex-lover found out that his wife had fallen in love with another man, he decided that they shouldn't split up the marriage. Instead, they would both have discreet affairs of which the children would not be aware.

This may not be a valid option for most people, but it is actually much more common than many people realise.

It is not worth staying in a marriage just because you're worried about finances. I'd like to encourage you by telling you that it is much better to be happy (even though you're worse off financially) than rich and miserable.

Good Reasons to Leave

• 1.  The love has gone.

There's no reason to stay.

• 2.  Your partner has cheated and you will never trust him again.

Go. It is not fair to live in suspicion forever.

• 3.  For the sake of the children.

Yes, a happy, complete family is best, but if there's no love, there's also no security. Rather two happy, separate parents, than two people who hate each other, together.

• 4.  There's no communication.

Communication is essential in any relationship. If it's not there, then let it go. Sulking, slamming doors or being passive aggressive does not constitute communication.

• 5.  It's just not working.

The affair has stopped. You've been to marriage counselling. You've tried to forgive and forget, but you're both still unhappy. Perhaps it's time to look for an amicable resolution of the union.

No two situations are the same and you may have a very different opinion of the consequences of adultery. In the end, it is up to you to make the decision. Both paths are difficult, but it is important to keep your eyes on your future happiness.