Yes, all your friends and family will tell you that they are there for you, but ultimately, you are on your own. The tough side to recovering from a divorce is that everyone who knows you is watching you see how you handle it. The last thing you want to do is to fall apart emotionally as there will always be someone who watches gleefully while you fall apart at the seams.
This is even worse if you have a child or children to tend to. You have got to remain strong for yours and their sakes. Here are some of the things I’ve learned on my trepidus road to divorce recovery.
Get rid of all the personal memories that you have about your ex. This means photos, gifts and anything else that you associate with him. This is easier if you have no children with your ex. If you do have children, you are going to have to manage a juggling act of speaking well about him in front of your kids and erasing all memories about him from your personal space.
You will also have to allow your children to keep any memorabilia that they have of their father. Remember the old maxim, “out of sight, out of mind”. At first, it takes some practice, but you will get it right eventually. I think many people struggle because deep down they want to hold onto the memories that are killing them.
Never badmouth him to your kids as he is their father after all. Refrain from bad mouthing him to friends and family members too; you never know when allegiances may change. Your best friend today can be your worst enemy tomorrow. Look what happened to you and your ex! You also do not want to give your ex any power by thinking you spend every moment talking and thinking about him. Words also get twisted so never give anyone the opportunity to misquote you to him, and don’t believe everything that you hear about yourself via the grapevine...
Certain drug aversion therapies help to recover drug addicts to replace their drug habits with something healthy such as exercise, community work or some other beneficial activity. You should do the same thing if you want to recover from your divorce quicker. Find some hobbies and activities that you can take up to take your mind off of your ex. Ideally, they should be something new and not something that you and he shared together.
In closing, it’s important to remember why you got divorced and hold onto that. This will spur you on to create a new and better life for yourself while you still retain your dignity