when i was eight years old, my parents divorced
i got a big new family.
I guess I was young, and my parents were focussed on making the transition as easy as possible for my younger sister and I. The divorce was a relief, after months of tension in the home. While my parents didn't fight in front of us, we could feel the friction and disharmony.
While they must've disagreed from time to time, we weren't privy to heavy arguments, but I remember that our home felt more peaceful when they split up.
The initial period was difficult, as we had to adjust to living in two homes, but my parents were great at co-parenting. They no longer expected anything more from one another than just to simply to be the best possible parents and I think they did a great job.
However, it was only when I was an adult, reflecting on my life and the choices I am making, that I realised that much of my success and happiness as an adult could be attributed to my parents' decision to get divorced and to be the best co-parents possible. I hope this will inspire other mothers, who might be concerned about the effect of divorce on their children.
Over time, both my parents remarried and as a result, my sister and I got more siblings and extended family who supported us in every area of our lives. We grew close to some of them, and view them as a family.
When the family dynamic changed, our vulnerabilities came to the fore. Since our mother and father were no longer together, there was no united front on a day-to-day basis that defined the parent/child relationship. We had to redefine our relationship and find common ground as allies, which brought my sister and me closer in our relationships with our parents.
My parents did love and care about one another, but they simply weren't meant to be together. They were too different, and they needed to live life on their terms. I admired them for loving each other enough to respect one another's wishes and dreams.
I know that not all divorces are as peaceful as my parents' and that every child of divorce dreams of the day their parents reconcile. But at the same time, I fully agree with Dr Phil when he says: "A child would rather be from a broken home than in a broken home."
I want to inspire everyone reading this letter to let go of the guilt they have over the effects of divorce on your children. Rather focus your energy on being the most effective co-parent you can be because that is what will shape your children's future.
Disclaimer : This article provides basic information only and is not a substitute for a professional or legal advice. It is prudent to obtain legal advice from a family lawyer.