Having been divorced for the past 18 months has taught me a lot of lessons, freed me up and given me a sense of exhilaration second to none. There is good news on the horizon for any woman who is contemplating going it alone with her children.
I was married for ten years and believed that it was a happy marriage. I had a good job, two amazing children and life was good. I did not notice that the magic in our relationship was long gone and that my husband was bored to tears and in fact no longer loved my two boys or me. My ex-husband is a quiet man, a brooder if you will. He does not share his feelings and therefore never voices his discontentment.
Instead of discussing his feelings with me, he chose to seek solace in the arms of another woman. On the outside, everything appeared fine; I did not notice that he was withdrawing into himself every day and that we were growing further and further apart. That was until he dropped the bombshell and asked for a divorce. At first, I was angry and couldn’t believe it was true.
After the shock had set in, I suddenly had to contend with being a single mom, juggling work and parenting and still trying to be happy for the kids’ sake. Well, the good news is that I survived and even better, I am now thriving! I live alone with my two boys, and we have never been happier. The removal of the miserable dynamic that my husband bought to the table has been life-changing, to say the least.
I did not notice how my husband’s sombre mood was affecting my children. Only now do I realize how intelligent they are and that they can have meaningful conversations. When we all lived together, my boys would stay in their bedrooms to keep away from their father. I don’t have to look at his miserable face and wonder what the heck I had done wrong again now. He seemed to forget that we both made the decision to have children and we both made the decision for me to work so that we could have more money. It was unfair of him to withdraw himself from the relationships in the home simply because he now had to grow up.
Getting divorced has toughened me up and boosted my self-confidence incredibly. I now know that I can fend for my boys and myself and that I am independent. I don’t have to answer to Jim (my ex) and certainly don’t have to put up with his moods anymore.
The best thing about a child’s love is that it is unconditional. Kids love you as no other person can. This certainly makes up for any crumb of affection that my ex might have thrown my way if he was in the mood.
The kids and I have an incredible time together, and I have now actually gotten to know them so much better. All my attention is on them when we are at home, and this has nourished their souls no end. I spend way less energy loving my children than I would, having to deal with Jim when he came home with a mouth full of teeth. I can certainly advocate getting divorced if the magic in your relationship has died. It takes two people to make a marriage and only 1 to destroy it.