After 20 years, I have come to the realization that my marriage is over. This is not because I no longer love my wife, but simply because this particular journey has run its course. Making this decision comes with a lot of questions and anguish as it is hard to end 2 decades of marriage and I am concerned about what the divorce will do to my wife and children. I still love her, but not like I did before.
We have 3 children aged 15, 13 and 10 and this news is sure to upset the stability in their lives. While I am not overly religious, I do believe in the sanctity of marriage and took the “for better and worse” part of the vows extremely seriously. I also come from the “you make your bed and sleep in it” school of thought.
I have been in conflict with doing what is “right” for my wife and children and doing what is right for me. I want out of the marriage because the spark has gone. When my wife and I first met, there were so many sparks, you’d think it was Guy Fawkes every day. Man, we were electric and we were on fire! I believed that I had found my best friend forever who loved partying, sex and all the other things that a young couple get up to in the beginning of a relationship. Sadly, life, age and children got in the way. My wife’s priorities changed the moment our eldest child was born and while I did not notice it then, that was when my life pretty ended.
Now, years later, I have realized that marriage is much more than partying until dawn and living life from day to day. It is about building a family, raising young adults and creating a legacy. I am not proud to say that this no longer interests me. I just want to do things that make me happy without restrictions.
I could have the “me” time and remain married. Many men withdraw themselves from the family and go on their own tangent. While this has worked in many marriages, I don’t feel that this is fair to my children or my wife. She signed up for a husband who is plugged in and my children did not have any say about arriving on Mother Earth. They are here because my wife and I wanted to have children.
I feel that divorcing my wife and co-parenting our children is the best route to go. Sure it will be painful for all concerned in the beginning, but time heals everything. My wife is still young enough to find someone to love her on her terms and my children will see me every second weekend and on selected holidays. This gives us all the opportunity to create the happiest lives possible while still having quality interaction with each other. My children will get more focused attention from me and I won’t be giving my wife the cold shoulder anymore. She has not had quality time with me for a long time so she won’t be missing anything.
I am at peace with my decision as believe that I do this out of love and selflessness for the greater good of each family member.