as a parent you may be asking yourself “how do i talk to my kids, when even i can’t work things out myself?”
Sometimes it’s hard to even engage in a conversation with your ex, led alone your children, and sadly this may be the last thing on your mind.
My life was changed forever when my parents decided to separate at the age of 9, and unfortunately they didn’t know how to talk to me about it.
When they were struggling, so was I but I didn’t know how to deal with my emotions.
Watching my family change before my eyes with no control only made me internally upset.
It wasn’t until I reached my teens that I realised it was due to that the lack of regular conversations my behavior was starting to spiral out of control externally.
I needed my parents’ attention, but I felt it was too late.
It seemed like they had gotten with their lives but I was still back there trying to put all the pieces together.
Now that I am a parent myself I have seen time and time again parents talk badly about their ex, and many times in front of their children.
Always within this moment my head is thinking about what “their kids” must be thinking and feeling right now.
A divorce can be messy and usually it can be from both or one parent just not coming to the party to make the ride smoother.
It is very important that you recognise your Children are also going through a Divorce. It's not just the parents.
In many ways my behaviour showed I that I was in desperate need of attention, but no-one seemed to notice.
I just needed my parents to say “How are you doing?”
Let them open their hearts to you and share their inner most thoughts and feelings, it may just make you re-think how you handle things from now on.
1. Put your feeling aside for a minute.
2. Take time out to ask them how they are feeling.
3. Listen to them.
My Parents separated when I was 9 years old, and I never saw it coming.
It rocked my world and changed everything. I needed them to talk to me, and listen.
I struggled for the next 17yrs to cope with all my feelings of anger and rejection until I found writing about them helped.
In 2003 I wrote my two books, “Please Don’t Go! – for Teenagers & Parents, and “Is It My Fault?” – for younger children.
Just this year we have launched “Voice4Kids” and have released E-Books versions of the two books.
If you think that brushing the topic under the carpet will resolve all the issue, you are sadly mistaken. Communication is the key! Just like you need to express how you feel well so do they.
Never give up hope. They need you
Karla Lee www.voice4kids.com
Disclaimer : This article provides basic information only and is not a substitute for a professional or legal advice. It is prudent to obtain legal advice from a family lawyer.