The Impact of Relationship Breakdown on Children

A breakdown in a relationship can take a significant toll on children, causing emotional and psychological strain. Divorce proceedings often amplify this, as parents may be uncertain about their children's future, including who will care for them and how parenting arrangements will be managed. Understanding the child's perspective and taking steps to minimise harm is crucial during such challenging times.

The Child’s Perspective

Research consistently shows that children struggle when their parents are involved in legal disputes. Seeing their parents in conflict can lead to:

• Emotional Stress: Children may feel sadness, confusion, or guilt, mistakenly believing they are the cause of the separation.
• Psychological Impact: Exposure to parental arguments and tension can have lasting effects, contributing to anxiety, depression, or behavioural issues.
• Fear of the Unknown: Uncertainty about living arrangements and relationships with each parent can leave children feeling insecure and unstable.

A child’s strong emotional bond with their parents makes them particularly vulnerable to the effects of divorce. Hearing arguments or witnessing blame games can intensify their feelings of helplessness and desperation.

Why Understanding Matters

Children often lack the cognitive ability to fully grasp the reasons behind a divorce. Even when parents attempt to explain the situation, children may find it difficult to comprehend.

• Example: A young child might wonder, “Why can’t Mum and Dad stay together?” or “Did I do something wrong?”
• Teens might internalise the conflict, questioning their ability to maintain relationships in the future.

To mitigate these effects, parents must avoid verbal accusations or conflicts in front of children. Arguments should be kept private, and communication with children should focus on reassurance and stability.

The Role of Family Lawyers

Family lawyers in Australia understand the critical importance of shielding children from the adverse effects of divorce. The Family Law Act 1975 places the best interests of the child at the centre of parenting arrangements, ensuring their needs are prioritised above all else.

• Parenting Plans and Orders: Lawyers can help parents develop parenting plans or seek parenting orders that focus on the child's welfare, including arrangements for time spent with each parent, education, healthcare, and emotional needs.
• Mediation: Before proceeding to court, parents are often required to attempt mediation to resolve disputes amicably. This process reduces conflict and allows parents to create a child-focused plan.
• Minimising Court Involvement: By resolving disputes outside of court, lawyers help families avoid the stress and emotional toll that litigation can impose on children.

Long-Term Effects of Divorce on Children

When handled poorly, divorce can have long-term consequences on children, including:

• Emotional Instability: Children exposed to ongoing conflict may develop a negative self-image or struggle to form healthy relationships.
• Social Challenges: Unresolved childhood trauma can lead to difficulties in trusting others or engaging with society.
• Behavioural Problems: Aggression, withdrawal, or academic difficulties can arise as children process their emotions.

Practical Tips for Parents

To support children through divorce, parents can:

1. Reassure and Communicate:

   • Let children know they are loved and not to blame for the separation.
   • Use age-appropriate language to explain changes without involving them in adult conflicts.

   Example: “Mum and Dad won’t live in the same house anymore, but we both love you very much and will always take care of you.”

2. Maintain Stability:

   • Minimise disruptions to routines, such as school, extracurricular activities, and time with friends.
   • Keep consistent rules and expectations in both households.

3. Model Healthy Conflict Resolution:

   • Avoid arguing in front of children. Instead, demonstrate calm and respectful communication.

4. Seek Professional Support:

   • Engage counsellors or therapists who specialise in helping children cope with divorce.

5. Focus on Co-Parenting:

   • Work together to create a harmonious co-parenting arrangement. Children benefit most when both parents remain actively involved in their lives.

Final Thoughts

Divorce is challenging for everyone involved, but the effects on children can be profound if not managed carefully. The Family Law Act 1975 provides a framework to ensure that the best interests of the child remain the priority during divorce proceedings. By working with family law specialists and adopting a child-focused approach, parents can reduce the emotional toll of separation and foster a healthier environment for their children’s growth and development.