Cheating is a lot more common than you may think

It’s a moment that you will never forget. Finding out that your partner has cheated on you can have a devastating effect on your self-esteem. Your self-confidence takes a knock. You suddenly start cross questioning yourself. You wonder whether you have become less attractive, less appealing.

The road to recovering from this heartache starts with lifting your self-esteem. You need to look back at this painful experience as one where you learnt to pick yourself up, shake yourself off and get on with being the strong and attractive human being that you are.

You’re one amongst millions

Cheating is a lot more common than you may think. It may help to know that you are not alone. There are millions of people around the world who deal with cheating partners every day.

Here are some surprising statistics

  • Men and women cheat in almost equal numbers with 57% of men and 54% of women admitting that they have cheated
  • 56% of men and 34% of women say they would cheat even when they are happy with their partner and cheating is not correlated with an unhappy marriage.
  • 68% of women and 74% of men concede that they would cheat if they knew that they would get away with it.
  • Between 30% and 60% of married people admit that they have cheated, and it is likely that there is a big lie factor in the numbers.

Stop the self-criticism

Many of us have ongoing negative thoughts about ourselves. We’re constantly worrying about our looks, our behaviour and figures. We unnecessarily criticise ourselves with ruinous effects on our self-esteem. If you’re in the habit of self-criticism you probably don’t even realise that you are doing it any more.

Take control of the negativity. As soon as you become aware of the negative thoughts, immediately stop and replace them with positive, happy thoughts. When you become adept at doing this you’re on your way to taking control, clearing your mind of negativity.

Take the criticisms and create constructive goals from them. Instead of criticising your body shape, join a gym or plan to lose a number of kilograms. Keep a journal of your achievements, no matter how small or large. This is just another confidence booster that can remind you of just how awesome you are.

Self-criticism can lead to debilitating psychological problems such as depression, anxiety, and eating disorders among others. Get rid of your insecurities and start to love yourself again.

It’s not your fault

When our partner has been unfaithful, it is natural to start examining our own behaviours as we try to explain the inexplicable. Your partner’s infidelity has nothing to do with you. In fact, some believe that infidelity may be genetic and is correlated with alcoholism and chronic gambling.

Some of the most beautiful, successful and famous people on earth have also had to deal with the pain of infidelity. This is also true for some of the simple people that you may admire. Most cheating happens simply because the opportunity arose and cheaters seized the day.

Time heals all things

The passage of time has wonderful healing attributes, if you doubt this then you think back on previous heart-breaking situations and how wretched you felt. If you compare that time with how you feel about it now, you’ll understand that these painful feeling will pass on so that you can get on with your life as you did in the past.

No-one is perfect

Don’t waste your time thinking about the person that your partner cheated with. You may tend to think of that person as having more attractive characteristics. This is unrealistic. No-one is perfect. Your lack of self-confidence is creating the illusion that in comparison you are found wanting.

Do something that you have always wanted to do

Drag yourself from your comfortable rut and do something that you have always wanted to do. Do you have a hobby that you have always wanted to pursue, perhaps its an adventure or a holiday?  Changing what you do or how you do it can do wonders for your self-confidence.

Be kind to someone

Small and large acts of kindness can give you an enormous confidence boost. Research shows that people who help others are happier than those that look after only themselves. Do some charity work. It’ll take your mind off your problems, will help you to recover your self-esteem and it will keep you busy.


Ten minutes of moderate exercise three times a week is all that you need to make you feel better. Exercise releases feel-good hormones and reduces the amount of cortisol in the body. Cortisol causes anxiety. In addition, exercise could improve your body image and along with it your self-esteem.

While you’re about it, turn up the music. Find something positive and tuneful and enjoy the boost.

Speak positively of others

Research has shown that speaking badly of others increases our negative feelings by 34% where positive discussions increase our positive feelings. Thinking positive thoughts causes an improvement in self-esteem, so keep it positive.

Get positive

Whether you decide to break it off with your partner or stay and work on your relationship is a decision that only you can make. Similarly, the effect that infidelity has on you will depend very much on what you do about it. Get positive and you could come out of the heartbreak a stronger and more confident person.

Finding your self-esteem when your partner has been cheating