getting divorced after 50 might not have been part of your plan
stage one: survive
Maybe you think that if your marriage made it to here, it should be able to make it till “death do us part”. The truth, however, is that divorce over 50 is on the increase. It even has a name: Gray Divorce.
Before or after 50, divorce is never easy, but as the saying goes… if it didn’t kill you, it will make you stronger. Divorce over 50 may be your opportunity to press the reset button for your life. It may well be your roadmap to a brighter future.
The roadmap to resent your life
Each stage of the map has many steps, and like any other roadmap, you can choose the route that works best for you. Some steps involve practical action like getting legal advice and dealing with the legal aspects of your divorce. Other steps involve emotional action and finally, you will reach the stage where your life moves forward. You can follow your own path, but you will probably go through these three stages.
Divorce is painful. It is lonely and frustrating. Whatever the reason for your divorce, you suffered a great loss. You need to grieve it. You need to put your head down and experience the pain and the hurt to let go of the relationship.
You need to monitor your children’s response to your divorce. Even if they are older, it is not easy for them either. You need to familiarize yourself with all the legal aspects of getting a divorce, and you need to obtain a complete picture of your financial situation.
This stage is about you. Perhaps you lost yourself a little during your marriage. You naturally made changes and adjustments to living with your spouse. This is your opportunity to start with a clean slate. Get your own voice back or reinvent a “new” you. Pursue your interests, embrace this second chance and recognize that you have a bright future ahead of you.
Acknowledge that your marriage wasn’t a failure. Good things came from it, and you learned a lot about yourself. It simply ran its course.
Forgive yourself and your spouse. It may not be easy, but it will give you your power back. Negative feelings will only cause you pain and hold you back. You don’t have to forget, but forgiving will help you to move forward quicker.
Stage three: Thrive
For some, this stage simply means further embracing the person you rediscovered during your Revival. Living your life to the fullest. Others will seek a new romantic partner. There is no pressure. Be who you want to be.
Finding a new partner may mean online dating. A whole new world! A word of advice - do some research beforehand. You are more likely to get better results if you prepare and familiarize yourself with this new way of dating. Dating may also lead to sex. You might want to refresh your sexual education as well.
Finding a new partner at this stage of your life has the benefit that you don’t have to base your choice on who the person may become. You can actually choose on whom they actually turned out to be! There is a track record that you can use to make your choice.
Regardless of the path you chose, by following these three stages, you will come through your Gray Divorce as a stronger person with new insights to lead a happier life and enjoy whatever the future holds.
Disclaimer : This article provides basic information only and is not a substitute for a professional or legal advice. It is prudent to obtain legal advice from a family lawyer.