The many reasons partners feel lonely

It sometimes happens that one of the partners in a long-term relationship feels lonely and it isn’t pleasant. It can lead to a sense of isolation and helplessness as you may not know how to resolve the problem and speaking to your partner may not seem like an option.

What does it feel like to be lonely in a relationship? You may have a sense of alienation. You may feel that you have been taken for granted and that you are not appreciated. Perhaps you feel that you have to solve problems on your own and that you can’t talk about these issues with your partner.

There are many reasons why people feel lonely in a relationship, very often this can happen as a result of major changes in your lives. This can include moving home, changing jobs, having a child or the children going off on their own. Some people may feel that their relationship has not delivered to their expectations.

It can happen that one partner badly lets down the other, like when one has an affair. It can be very difficult to get the relationship back onto an even keel once such an occurrence has taken place as it results in mistrust and a sense of betrayal

Sometimes couples slip into bad habits, failing to speak to one another, giving each other the cold shoulder, or unnecessarily criticizing the actions of the other. These sorts of negative tendencies have a way of wearing down the relationship so that you lose the sense of connection that you once had with your partner.

A loss of connection can also take place for no apparent reason in a long-term relationship as slowly but surely you stop feeling as close to your partner as once you had. When you realize that this has happened it can be hard to accept.

Negative behaviours lead to further alienation

Feeling lonely and drifting apart can lead to all kinds of negative behaviours in the relationship. You may pick on your partner, stop talking to one another or avoid them. You probably find your partner less attractive and may be disinclined to have sexual relations. This can lead to further alienation in the relationship. The situation may become untenable and hard to correct.

Time to talk

As with all relationship problems, the solution starts with communication. As difficult as it may be to speak to your partner, you must find the time to sit and explain how you feel. First, examine your own emotions. You can’t begin to explain your feelings to your partner if you haven’t fully understood them yourself. It is important that your conversation is unemotional and that it doesn’t end up in an argument.

You may find that your partner does not know how you feel and may be very supportive. Talking could be the first step in reconnecting. It won’t be easy to initiate the conversation especially if you are not in the habit of sharing your feelings, but it is necessary if you want to lose that sense of loneliness, build your relationship, and grow strong bonds again.

If you are lonely and unable to speak unemotionally to your partner, we’re here to help. Professional Counsellors are taught to help couples to objectively seek solutions to their relationship problems. Give us a call.