We all value honesty in a relationship

Without it, there can be no trust. Without trust no intimacy. In trusting relationships there is an expectation of honesty. If one partner withholds the truth or harbours secrets they breach that trust relationship

According to research, everyone tells at least one lie every day. The lies may vary in size and number. Enough lies, no matter how insignificant, can wreck a relationship.

So why do we lie to our partners? It may be that we are embarrassed by something that we have done and fear the reaction of our partner. Perhaps guilt about our behaviour is the reason that we hide the truth. Perhaps we just don’t want to have to explain our actions.

How to tell when they’re lying

There are ways to tell whether your partner is lying to you? Noticing one or two signs may be totally innocent. We should not take that as proof that our partner is lying but if you notice these signs frequently enough you may want to delve deeper.

Here are some of the non-verbal signs of lying

Elusive behaviour - Your partner may not lie directly but may become elusive, dodging your enquiries or giving evasive answers to awkward questions.

Body language – does your partner’s body language belie the convincing words they speak? People often become awkward when they are being dishonest. Does your partner look you in the eye when speaking to you? Research has shown that people who are telling lies will blink a lot and their pupils will dilate.

Speech – When people lie they may speak more slowly, stumbling over words or making mistakes. Sometimes they speak in a higher tone. A liar will often touch his or her face, especially around the nose and mouth. They may even cover the mouth. You may notice a mismatch between what is said and the tone of voice.

Talk About It

If you suspect that your partner is telling you lies, you should consider the underlying reasons for the behaviour. Then find some quiet time to sit down together and discuss the importance of trust, honesty and openness. The discussion should be open and carry no blame or judgment. Your partner’s reaction to your discussion will speak volumes.

Confronting the truth in a relationship