The consequences of constantly criticizing your partner

Constantly criticizing your partner might have many unintended consequences. Constructive criticism, intended to build a better understanding, is good, but be careful of always criticizing your partner. You may end up unhappy and alone.

What happens in your relationship when you constantly criticize?

Your partner can start “shutting you out”  

They will stop communicating with you – why care to listen if your response is always negative?

You become hard work

Daily life is hard enough. If you keep criticizing your partner, he or she might simply become too tired to stay in a relationship that is constantly hard work.

Your partner will lose self-confidence 

Your partner might become unsure, indecisive or feel disempowered. Your criticism might be turning your partner into a person with no zest for life. Is this the person you want to be with?

Your partner can become secretive 

He or she won’t share new challenges if they feel that you will only criticize. You will miss out on new learning experiences in your partner’s life and eventually lose the intimacy of your relationship.

You will have to live up to your perfect image

In the beginning your partner might admire your “superior knowledge”, but be warned, you will always have to live up to being “perfect”.Your partner might put you on a pedestal and you will not have any room to make mistakes.

Admiration turns to resentment  

Constant criticism will eventually lead to resentment. You might not notice it at first, but it will be there - resentment tends to come out when you need your partner the most.

Your partner will seek validation outside of your relationship

You are setting the scene for your partner to look at something or someone else to make him or her feel good about themselves. It might be innocent, like playing golf, but you also run the risk that it could be someone who is caring and emotionally supportive.

You will create your own worse nightmare

If you criticize someone for long enough they might give up completely. They will feel like they can’t do anything right anyway! Your partner will become dependent on you and just leave everything in your hands – you will have to make all the decisions and do all the planning. Is this what you wanted?

Your partner will blame you

An overly criticized partner can become stuck in one place. They don’t have confidence to try new things, and they will regret the fact that their life became stagnant. He or she might blame you for that.

How can you criticize in a more constructive way?

Timing is important

Choose the right time, when you are both calm and able to pay attention to the issue at hand.

Listen – don’t just talk

Create an atmosphere where both of you can talk and listen to each other. Give your partner the opportunity to express his or her thoughts as well.

Appreciation first, then criticism

Your partner is more likely to accept your criticism as positive and constructive, if the criticism is accompanied by genuine appreciation.

So, before you criticize your partner, ask yourself whether you are not seeking your own validation by criticizing your partner. Be honest. If you are feeling insecure, you can easily project that onto your partner and criticize him or her for not making you feel good. If you have constructive criticism, make the time to have a meaningful conversation with your partner.